Oh Captain!! My Captain!!

Reading Sartre is intimidating, depriving a curious onlooker like me of any hopes of resilience! But in “tête-à-tête”, when the intimate moments shared by Beauvoir and Sartre are on display, I am bemused, left groping for a pulse of my usual instinctive judgment. Is it the case of Fallen Idols? Or Elevated Mortals?

When Beauvoir Says, “In what a ‘desert world’ I walk, so arid, with the only oases my intermittent esteem for myself”, I witness a resonance in me, a carnival of alternating hope and despair.

I choose elitism to not let ‘laissez faire’ be the motto for a risk-free life muddled with the mundane, more so, to so consciously override the effects of my overbearing past conditioning and subsequent deprivation. There IS a protective conformity in elitism. Time and again, I step out of this shell, only to return bruised with vengeance not to swerve again! There begin contemplations…..

The windows of retrospection can produce some crystal clear deliverance. It takes the accumulated experiences of some suffering and loss to reflect upon something in the past with clarity, leading to a present day’s pristine perspective. Look at this: … PLA wrote this to me ages ago:

“Thoughts are strange things at times - profoundly impacting in a moment to avariciously ridiculous. And then one day it's the amazing realization that there is a person who in his own gentility and nobleness wants to be associated with you and share thoughts that rarely leave the realm of intimacy.

Perceptively, life can be so chaotic, thoughts being an integral part of our eternally woven existence. Yet it is the soothing acceptance of a wonderful person in perfect resonance with you that somehow brings in a whole new colour. And you just want to soak its blissfulness in all its glory - mentally, emotionally and physically.”

The epiphany leads to a depth of gratitude. My admiration, trust and tenderness towards you PLA are sans reservation. And now a solitary tear wells up……

A Himalayan Bliss

All my courage and appetite for the vagaries of life has emanated from the certitude of being understood at some level by some one – a sojourner, a dear friend, an authority figure, or even a muse. I am fully aware that this is in no way a requisite surrogacy for that mirage (or so it seems) we all so dearly search for – LOVE. But if I were not to have at least this kind of approbation in its own idiosyncratic forms, I am sure to be victimized by the fangs of restlessness, devoured to the fullest by aimless drifts.

What strikes me as incredulous is the hitherto unimaginable way I was awashed in some strange sense of harmony: the regal splendour of the pristine mountains of Himalayas is simply unparalleled. Tall and imposing, oozing serenity unbound, their sighting had magically dwarfed my frettings about life. I was encircled by these new found joys (oxymoronic in that they are abstract yet absolute) for the whole duration of my stay in Dhulikel, Nepal.

The perennial temptations of the material comforts notwithstanding, I now make a renewed promise to myself ‘to matter’, to acquiesce to humility, to stop deriding myself as an ancillary being as in the past. I now harbour confidence about being an upstart in the milieu surrounding my daily life – all by virtue of earning the right to be so through the discovery of majestic glory of Himalayas and the message they so effortlessly drive home.

Thus, I have accidentally taken to being courageous. I am happy. I am not just one among the multitude (as I have so often feared I would end up being), at least in these exalted moments of reflecting upon these joys through my true companion – “les mots” (words). I am plain happy. There is just enough abundance of exuberance vibrating in me, urging me to live life to the fullest.

But then… I am nervous… that going back to the stress riddled urban life will see me making exigent concessions to prudence, seeking every which means to look for instant gratification. May I have the strength, following my thoughts to where they lead me, hopefully towards that road less traveled…..

Confessions of an American Idol Junkie!

At the Start of Season 7... (Then! Circa January 2008)

Had never evinced any interest in "American Idol" before this what with the awkwardness of other reality shows we get to hear about, and I regret that now!! Should have given this a chance earlier! Thanks to the TV writers' strike, this is one show to watch out for to discover news means of entertainment (and dare I say enlightenment)!

This is unlike any Indian Idol 'stuff' and so you need not be cautious in your approach to watching this!!

Had never known that there could be umpteen nuances of vocal delivery before! Hindi songs were all I enjoyed (thought there was just melody to singing) ! Now, I am after all the english songs (listening to which i was scared of earlier, thanks to the rock scare I had nurtured!) to taste the diversity.

Just before the Finals... (Now! May 2008)

After an eventful 40 episodes of American Idol Season 7, we now stand on the verge of the great Finale featuring the two Davids.

For me, what began as an innocuous browse through the initial episodes, if only for the lack of something better to watch (thanks to the writers' strike there!), turned out to be a dangerously addictive and exhausting emotional investment, with its share of thrills and frills.

Agony and Ecstasy were in full display as the lives of our favourite singing contestants unfolded in full public glare. The voyeuristic tendencies of the general public have been exploited to a good measure by this juggernaut of a reality show.

To a newbie to this brouhaha, like me, it's nothing short of a revelation. My appreciation of the music of all genres took sudden birth, treating me to some of the greatest English songs there ever were. At the end of it all, I walk back a proud connoisseur.

I am a fiercely loyal David Archuleta Fan; I am glad to have discovered the pure joy of listening to him sing. Among all other superlative things about his voice, it is a stress-buster, inspiring and has a very calming effect. He is humility personified, a true role model for the younger generation, giving me just enough ammunition to justify this insane idol-worship.

A quick recap of his performances on the show:

Top 24: He began with a very upbeat 'Shop Around' (The Miracles) that right away set him on a pedestal. It would be a long time before he would successfully sing a fast paced song.

Top 20: The transcendental rendition of 'Imagine' (John Lennon) sent shivers down the collective spines of the audience. That was his break-out moment on the show, entrenching him firmly among the elite of the contestants. It is arguable if peaking so early as in his very second performance has evoked later criticism of his predictability in the show.

Top 16: Phil Collin's 'Another Day in Paradise' was made unique by his soulful take way better than the original.

Top 12: Then the disaster struck. He flubbed the lyrics and subsequently lost vocal control singing the fast paced 'We Can Work It Out' (Beatles).

Top 11: A pitch-perfect 'Long and Winding Road' (Beatles) after the preceding week's disaster re-affirmed every one's beliefs in this child prodigy's abilities.

Top 10: A relatively unknown up-tempo 'You're the Vocie' (John Farham) was entertaining. Certainly not spectacular as the original was much better.

Top 9: Then came the achingly soulful rendition of Dolly Parton's 'Smokey Mountain Memories'. The yearning in his voice was just too haunting.

Top 8: Robbie William's 'Angels' pegged him as a staunch Balladeer as he effortlessly succeeds whenever he belts ballads. From here on, this bracketing is the only criticism that would be heaped against him.

Top 7: Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston is a scary combination for someone to trump. Archuleta made 'When You Believe' his own through his signature balladeering.

Top 6: A minor lyric flubbing. Andrew Lloyd Webber's 'Think of Me' had a spectacular ending, though.

Top 5: Neil Diamond Week was just fine. 'Sweet Caroline' was ordinary. 'America' is his only second brilliant up-tempo song of the season.

Top 4: Just when an odd feeling surfaced about his losing steam, mostly thanks to the gradual steam-gaining by his namesake, the resident rocker David Cook, Archie struck a winning blow by a mind blowing rendition of 'Stand By Me' (Ben E. King). Elvis Presley's 'Love Me Tender' was on the lines of 'Imagine'. That was when Simon Cowell declared him to have crushed the competition that night.

Top 3: Billy Joel's 'And So It Goes' done in a semi-capella was trademark Archie! The reverberations were haunting. Then he tried to do up-tempo by singing 'With You' (Chris Brown) and failed adorably! Dan Fogelberg's 'Longer' was another ballad nailed.

Finals: ?????????????????

(A reprise from the previous Idol performances of the respective contestants, a producer’s choice and a ‘coronation’ song make up for the Finale.)

For Archie, the ultimate moment should be when he does a cappella of ‘Imagine’. Idol boards are abuzz with rumours about ‘Crazy’ (Gnarles Barkley) which was performed majestically by Archie in the Hollywood Round, which could not be aired due to technical clearance difficulties. It’s quite an upbeat song that should make up for all his lost chances in that area! And of course, the coronation song would be a dreaded ballad, giving Archie the much needed leverage.

But then again, May the Best Singer of the Night Win!!

In the end, it’s all going to come down mostly to the dialing/SMSing skills of pre-pubescents (for Archie) and post-pubescents (for Cook). Grandmas are content voting once or at the most twice for Archie. An international fan like me has no chance to vote at all.

Too much has been said about the ‘boring’ and ‘predictable’ nature of songs that one could expect to hear from Archie. When I buy his record, I know for sure what I am going to get from it. And I will go for that without any regrets just to listen to his mellifluous vocals. Too bad that ‘rock songs’ are perceived to be the only saleable ones with the required versatility. With all due respects to David Cook and his ardent supporters, I just don’t get it! Agreed this much: Cook’s ‘Billie Jean’ and ‘The First Time I Ever Saw You’ were thoroughly enjoyable.

Can’t wait for the Finale to come by and storm me!! Go Archie Go!!!!!

Here’s in a nut shell the Season 7’s ‘Moments’

Asia’h Epperson: Her audition and ‘Piece of My Heart’

Brooke White: ‘Let It Be’

Carly Smithson: ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’, ‘Here You Come Again’

David Arculeta: ‘Imagine’ and ‘Stand By Me’

David Cook: ‘Billie Jean’ and ‘The First Time I Ever Saw You’

David Hernandez: ‘It’s All Coming Back To Me’

Jason Castro: ‘Hallelujah’ and ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’

Michael Johns: ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, ‘We are the Champions’, ‘Dream on’ (Yess!!)

Syesha Mercado: ‘I Will Always Love You’

Most Entertaining Guest Performance: Hands Down the scariest yet outright entertaining Fantasia Barrino’s rendition of ‘Bore Me’. J

Fantastic Group Song: ‘Please Don’t Stop the Music’ during the Idol Gives Back Week.

Most Amazing Guest Vocal: ‘What About Now’ by Chris Daughtry

Most Emotional Moment: Asia’h Epperson’s audition

Most Shocking Elimination: Michael Johns

Should Have Made to Top 24: Josiah Leming

And Finally:

Here's something I wrote in fierce rabid defence of Archie when in a discussion forum, he was being written off:

"This kid got pipes on him. There's no denying the fact. Ballads are Archie's niche. What's wrong about that? Is Rock not D.Cook's niche? Is it inbuilt in the genres that those who stand by ballads are boring; Rock - fascinating?

You call it boring. I call it consistency! This kid has peaked precociously early on this season and stayed there. He hit saturation point for his age now, meaning there can be NO further improvement. Live with it and stop complaining about 'boredom'..

More than anything else, he gives the word 'idol' its real personification. Humility (absolutely genuine) beyond belief!! I have never seen talent+humility in such abundance in one person. Humbleness makes a person dull by default?? I bet no American can be as graciously humble as he is! (The Indianness in me makes me fall for just this one quality in any person - humility. Come on, it is a fairy tale here.... seeing the prince live happily ever after with the princess charming kind - his winning A.I.

Can the charm of puppies (the real doggie ones!) ever start feeling monotonous to us? If you are trying to be 'macho' enough by not saying it out loud that puppies tug at your heart, then so be it! But it's a fact! Same holds good for the aww-schuucks Archie!

To sound cheesily poetic - Which parents wouldn't want a son like him? Which teacher wouldn't want a student like him? Which friend wouldn't want a buddy like him? Which girl wouldn't want a lover like him.... yada yada yada....

PS: I love this fanaticism.. since Roger Federer seems to have taken a long vacation from brilliance, the idolater in me needed a substitute and here comes aptly another Maestro!

Movie Review: Lust, Caution (2008) (Ang Lee)

Ever heard of an espionage thriller that thrived on the beauty of its slow-paced narrative? Sounds oxymoronic? Here it is! Only Ang Lee, THE director extraordinaire could have taken a short story and made it into the kind of engrossing tale of epic proportions this movie turns out to be. (Remember Brokeback Mountain?)

In a league of its own, the sheer captivating power of its screenplay, language barriers notwithstanding,leaves the viewer gasping for more. The theme is unique in mainstream movies (correct me if I am wrong!) – dynamics of passions (read lust) running wild amidst war, an uncharted territory depicted with a keen eye to meticulous detail, without glossing over the dreary aspects of human survival while duly rising above the banality of the quotidian.

A group of amateurish students buoyed by patriotic fervour during WWII, scheme to assassinate a high ranking Chinese official who is collaborating with the Japanese. The emotional tribulations of the female lead in the precarious mission to execute their plans by way of the transformation of her naivety to wanton resourcefulness forms the crux of the movie. In effect, this movie subtly brings into focus the way lives revolve around basic instincts; that everything else ends up being a naught when faced with a Sophie’s Choice, the choices here being the fight for a pragmatic cause and the fight to resist the trappings of responses to sensual stimuli when discovering them for the first time.

Take away Gustavo Santaollala’s heart breaking melody in BBM or Alexander Desplat’s soothing style of a former period in this drama, and you have half the soul gone from these master pieces. Such magnificent composition!! The slick cinematography quite credulously recreates the magic of the Asian world-war era. Assisted by dexterous editing that handles the ineluctable abruptness of the many frames, the movie stands as another ode to the directorial éclat of Ang Lee. Needless to say, he brings out the best in the lead actors, who are wholly convincing in their portrayals.

The only complaint is the subtitling effect that is exacting on the viewer at times. However, there is an understated quality of pathos and savoir-vivre to the movie whose confounding climax would continue to haunt for long.

Book Review: 'The Line of Beauty' (2004) (Alan Hollinghurst)

In perhaps what might be the boldest attempt in contemporary English fiction, Alan Hollinghurst announces his arrival on THE literary scene with a stamp of majestic authority through his explicitly gay themed and critically acclaimed novel “The Line of Beauty”. No wonder then that it was the first novel with an overt homosexual motif to have won the Booker Prize in its 36-year history in 2004, fully deserving of the adulation it received the world over. Far too much praise has been lavished in generous dose on the ‘achingly beautiful’ style of Hollinghurst’s work that is replete with passages of ‘dream-like’ beauty.

Hollinghurst ever so masterfully creates an endless landscape of rich imagery for the reader to glide through in reverie. Any connoisseur of beauty would find it hard to suppress that smile and nod of approval, as line after line of sheer poetic charm unfolds in the prose written with such unbelievable eloquence.

The novel stands out for the delicately hilarious undertone in its narrative all through, which among many others is a subtly satirical jibe at the social and political structure of London during the Thatcher years in the early 80s. The notorious and ungainly infatuation of politicians of those times with The Great Lady is shrewdly interlaced in the story as well.

Extending over a period of five years, the novel chronicles the journey of self-discovery of Nick Guest, a young Oxford graduate pursuing Ph. D on the element of style in the works of his idol Henry James. He is lodged at the palatial residence of his Oxford classmate Toby, whose ambitious father Gerald Fedden is the newly elected Conservative MP in the Thatcher Government. Keeping company for the youngest Fedden, Catherine, a troubled rebel with unpredictable mood swings, he soon becomes the unofficial custodian of the family.

Nick is enthralled by all things rich and beautiful of the high class society to which he gets access by virtue of being in the company of Feddens. Quite the aesthetic observer, he tries to take in the intoxicating beauty as he sees in the things around him – music, paintings, art, furniture, and above all male anatomy, and in a way makes it a rationale for the survival of his ‘self’.

He gains the first taste of romance from an affair with a black council worker, which ends abruptly, setting him on to a different pedestal, enabling him to let go of his continence. An explosive and clandestine relationship that follows with a beautiful Lebanese millionaire playboy leads him into the perilously adventurous world of cocaine, insatiable lust and scandals. As the denouement unfolds, there is a sudden reversal of fortune what with the specter of AIDS looming around and an ironic twist of fate isolating him from the Feddens.

The intensely graphic portrayals of the sexual encounters of the protagonist, sure to raise an eyebrow, are candid depictions of the gradually blooming confidence Nick gains in exploring his sexuality. But this novel is not to be seen as only gay fiction. The story is not the focal point so much as the way it is narrated without any room for the mundane. The world as seen through the eyes of the homosexual protagonist is indeed poignantly thought provoking and for once there is no stereotypical stereotyping!

The novel takes its name from the 18^th century artiste William Hogarth’s espousal of the 'S' line (also called the Ogee curve), in his treatise on ‘Analysis of Beauty’, a ‘line’ of beauty supposably innate in all thriving works of visual art. The line curves from one extreme to another and reverses itself, creating tension and beauty simultaneously. That in short, is the pandect of Nick’s life, as seen in the context of social setting of the affectations of the elite London. Unwittingly, the author ends up creating similar effects of tension and beauty in readers’ minds as well!! In a way, the title is even suggestive of the likewise reception of the novel!

The characterization of Nick is swathed in hues of differing complexities and that is the most striking feature of the novel, rendering the readers ambivalent. His unwavering belief that he owns all things beautiful in the world by right of taste and longing is too comely for the reader to condone his at-times foolhardy acts of silent despair. He is circumspect, yet comes undone with the intermittent teetering on the outward edge of disarray in an attempt to come to terms with his unrequited love. Nick is aware of the ominous feel his life takes on in course of his ascension into the upper echelons of the society. But, he is reluctant to part with the patina of invincibility, courtesy the aesthete in him, as he discovers a protective conformity while spanning off into worlds of his own making in light of the opacity of those around him.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever… For aesthetes, The Line of Beauty is as joyous as it gets!! What would be interesting to see is how that invariably philistine population amidst us, blinded by their obnoxious and inexplicably bigoted world-view, would respond to the staunch advocacy of this book through this review.

Movie Review: Tape (2001) (Richard Linklater)

... Before Sunset, Before Sunrise and then TAPE!! Richard Linklater does have a good eye for sinewy themes. TAPE at best can be summarised as an intensely riveting psychological exciter....a thought provoking and 'timeless' piece of art.

It's been a long wait for a movie to come up with such a finer dissective portrayal of the complexities involved in the nuances of human relationships..... The script has been amazingly fine tuned to capture the raw power of dug-up ethical dilemmas. Seemingly commonplace feelings (acts) transcribed to words in the right way carry so much of weightage, when it comes to impacting the viewer!! EXCEPTIONAL screenplay and effortless direction!!

Admirers of Before Sunset and Before Sunrise shouldn't give this a miss. While those were romantically and intellectually spellbinding, Tape shows what it is like to get under a feverish grip of stimulatingly thrilling conversations engineered on differing perspectives. That it takes place in a claustrophobic room with just three characters slowly emerging as complete personalities with multi dimensional colorings, and still does not for a moment let you take your eyes off the screen says it all.

The movie takes place in a seedy motel room where two friends, one a drug dealer with issues and another a budding film maker, get together one night and eventually start reminiscing the nostalgic memories of their college days. Past demons are confronted, accusations are traded, and each launches into aggrandizing justifications. Enter the femme fatale in question, and the momentum snowballs into a jaw dropping climax!

The only three actors of the movie, Ethan Hawke, Robert Sean Leonard (remember these two buddies from Dead Poets Society?) and Uma Thurman effortlessly slip into their characters and do a complementary job. The premise is intimidating at first, but it takes just a little bit of adjusting initially. Once you force yourself to sit through the first ten minutes of the movie, what unfolds on the screen magically carries you through the rest of the 75 minute duration!! A must watch for dilettantes.

Well, in Tennis' parlance, watching the unfolding of TAPE is the equivalent of seeing Roger Federer display the complete range of shots in his divine arsenal much to a connoisseur's delight!!

The Movie Critic In Me!!!

Movies-my hideouts, my fairylands, my 'performance-enhancers'!! I have always wondered at the numerous insights, not to mention their exquisite portrayal, which are reflected in the reviews at IMDB, one of my compulsively addicted websites. Movie Critics have such a tough task at their hands unlike what a commoner tends to believe! It's an art! Here's a nascent attempt at translating the innumerable wonderful feelings I go through when I watch a worthwhile movie.... I know I am an extremist; that once I like something, I cannot stop raving about it, no matter how radically different an objective evaluation would be... well, that's me! Applicable to every walk in my life.....

Movie: October Sky (1999)

There are movies that leave a mark on you for a variety of limited reasons! (Of course, there are those which stand out only for sheer marked entertainment value.. and that's not the focal point here at all) Some make you think, giving an opportunity to exercise your analytical skills (whoever said such skills were to be employed only in academics or professional realms!!); some marvel you to appreciate the 'art' of movie making (story telling, direction, screenplay, acting) in more ways than could be conceived; and then there are some that just take your breathe away, inspiring you along the way to be glad to truly acknowledge the existence of extra-ordinary human will and spirit that is ever pervasive, yet a real-life glimpse of which is a rarity. October Sky falls in the last category, a film that beautifully captures the hearts with its pristine premise.

A 'simple' movie with a profound impact, based on the real-life story of a youngster's struggle to pursue his dream of embracing rocket science, in it could be noticed Jake Gyllenhaal's blooming potential (Brokeback Mountain and Jarhead were bound to happen!!). The uncorrupted innocence of youth brimming with the burning desire to rise above the testing circumstances in aiming for the 'sky', has been so magically captured in this movie. Films like this leave permanent imprints in our memories, even making some of us reflect upon our own trysts with destiny.....

Kudos to the Movie!! A must-watch..... a moving tale of endurance......

My Students - My Strengths.

Memories….. those little mirror-windows through which you look at the past and be grateful for all that went by, however acerbic the taste of those moments were when they were unraveling… sweet memories only become sweeter… mistakes become invaluable lessons… There’s no stopping the floodgates of nostalgia when something triggers it off… When the first batch of engineering students whom I had taught were re-living all their adventurous college-life memories through yahoo-group mail exchanges, I couldn’t resist inputting my perspectives as well…. Here goes the transcript:

Guess it’s my time now to speak out. First things first… I am about to complete my M.Tech in IIT Bombay in another one month. I have applied for Ph.D admission in Reliability Engineering in IITB, hoping to build upon my open-ended M.Tech project that deals with advanced issues in Power System Reliability. I am hours away from finding out if the dreams which got sowed in me, thanks to my error-filled experimentation with you guys for nearly two years, are on their course to fruition.

Teaching happened to me by accident. Serendipitous it was! ‘Brathakaleka badipanthulu’ ani peddalu oorike ana ledu! All of some twenty one years and there I was, standing amidst you all in the class room to test the waters. And touchwood, I couldn’t have asked for a better platform. Before you brush aside these confessions of mine as some product of mere nostalgic temperament, let me assure you that every line penned down has the strongest iota of truth with introspective advantage, in retrospect.

Would you all agree with me when I state that for some incident to have happened the way it happened, there are always mysterious forces at work? That in the grand scheme of things, for every thing to fall in place, even the slightest of happenings would play a pivotal role in cementing the final consequence??

What I intend to highlight is that but for your batch, I wouldn’t have dared to tread on this path strewn with mind numbing obstacles. You see, my aim for academic excellence to strengthen my arsenal for the battle royale with professional challenges in teaching, far too exceeds certain inherent intellectual capabilities I possess, and hence the obstacles. Added to that there is always this temptation of upward comparisons with my peers who earn exponentially more than what I can possibly earn down the line. The aim is nobler, but the necessities, not even luxuries, dictate otherwise.

Call my adamant stance to embrace this profession a pursuit of a nobler aim, a quest for priding in being a role model, or even laziness to dodge my way out of the cut-throat competition in other arenas. I, however, feel it as a long nursed longing to enjoy the addictive compulsion to overcome the effects of deprivation in my life story. Being there for someone to look up to me, being there to offer a comforting shoulder to someone daring to travel on a road less traveled, being there to provide that inspiration required for a fledgling to diversify into life’s innumerable avenues……

It is to you all that I bow down in reverence for all your patience, affection and, hold your breath, inspiration! Agreed, that in retrospect, I was an awful teacher in terms of my proclivity to show my bias unashamedly; that I was half baked in my attempts to impart absolute knowledge to you; that I was not impervious to judgmental errors (some of them fatal as some of you would have personally felt) in matters of moral and ethics. But remember, like all those typically idealistic young aspirants persuaded by the hot bloodedness of youth, who envision themselves on the cusp of breakthroughs, I too was punch drunk with the intoxication of the “I-can-be-whatever-I-want-to-be” excitement. Ultimately, time firmly shows you your place, and you start picking up the pieces. As you age, wisdom catches upon you and with a heart warming jest, mocks at your past fallacy-based actions.

There are a few of you whom I call my protégés in my own idiosyncratic contented ways, with whom I have had a symbiotic relationship. Most of my monologue might make sense only to them. But still, I would be glad if I could convey the explicit intent – Thank You one and all. The lessons learned in course of my numerous trysts with destiny shall forever be cherished and acted upon… Hopefully one day, I would be a better teacher and a better human being…

And all of a sudden I feel a surge of pride and pain for all obvious reasons.... It only goes to show that life goes on..... no matter what.....